Some Driving Tips

10 Fun Things To Do While Driving

1. Have a friend ride in the back seat. Gagged.
2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Headbang.
3. Wear snorkel gear and hang fish around from the ceiling.
4. Two words: Chicken suit.
5. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
6. Pay the toll for the car behind you. Watch in rearview mirror as toll collector tries to explain to next driver.
7. Laugh. Laugh a lot. A whooooole lot.
8. Stop at the green lights.
9. Go at the red ones.
10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.

Driving Tips

I as been driving since I was 12, but recently me desided to get a real driving lisence. However, when I went for a lesson, this ponce sat in me car and tried to make me drive like a batty man. Don't worrie, I gave im a one inch punch like Bruse Lee, but because of this, I as decided to pass on me driving knowlage to all ya massive for free. Read through me tips and than you is ready for even long trips (like down to McDonnalds). Wicked".

Ali G's Driving Tips

Tip 1 - Make sure your car is safe
You is gonna lose marks if ya car is a wreck. May I suggest you get an MOT first (Me mate Dave will sell ya one for ?20 - Just tell 'im Ali said). Also, make sure all 8 of ya speakers is workin' at there best be carefull that the clutch pedel don't damage that 20" bass bin). Tinted windows and UV lights may also win you marks wid the instructer.

Tip 2 - Make sure its safe for you to drive
Its a well known fact that if you is a woman (thats 1 in 2 people in the UK), you will not be able to drive. Batty men shouldn't drive either.

Tip 3 - Drinking and Driving
You should never drink drive (not even if its rainin'). You could 'it a bump an' spill ya drink - Aye. No, me is messin', don't do it.

Tip 4 - Listen for your Instructer
If you can hear your instructer shouting at you, then your music aint loud enough you is probably listening to the wrong music, may I suggest Drum and Bass or Rap.

Tip 5 - Use the proper equipment
When your instructer asks you to start the car, remember that you is supposed to use the proper key, not a screwdriver.

Tip 6 - Changing Gears
This is an important part of drivin' and I hope you is payin' attention. There are two main gears you will use, thats 4 and 5. I suggest using 5th in residental areas, and 4th if you is driving on a field or somthin'.

Tip 7 - Breaking and Corners
Breaking and corners 'ave alot in common. You need to be usin' the handbreak for both.

Tip 8 - Correct Signaling
Remember that the horn and headlights aint just for gettin' the attention of that bitch wid the short skirt. They is best used to cuss at other drivers if they is goin' too slow (ie 90 mph).

Tip 9 - Advanced warning signs and Speed limits
I aint sure what these things are. You can make about ?30 stealing them though. AYE!

Tip 10 -
Dat's it, you is now a safe driver. You will be able to spend hours sat in the carpark at MFI wid da Drum and Bass pumpin out.

Wicked!